Our protection is in our strength – one of our greatest attributes.
As we consider ‘Protection’ within the role of husband what comes to mind?
“From what?” There in lies the danger wives face on a daily basis.
A man’s strength has not diminished over the centuries, a man’s purpose has. With a diminished purpose comes diminished clarity.
Without clarity we become dangerous because of the misuse of our God given strength.
Protection is connected to potentially the most destructive of emotions – our anger. Anger understood protects that which it loves. This is most clearly seen in the life of Jesus – a man’s example of masculinity lived out. In Mark 10:14 the disciples were rebuking parents as they attempted to bring their children to Jesus. “But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” Jesus used anger to protect that which could not protect itself.
In John 2 when Jesus cleared the temple of the money changers it says Jesus made a whip of cords. This took some time, he didn’t rush in with an emotional reaction; he was deliberate. This show of anger and force was protection for those wishing to worship and pray, yet hindered from doing so as seen in Mark. 11:17 “My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations’
A man’s anger reveals what it’s protecting. A teenage son speaking words of disrespect to his mother moves her husband with anger for the protection of his son’s future and his wife’s honor.
God’s protection is connected to his loving kindness. This is seen throughout the book of Psalms. A man’s anger connected to his own self protection is a distorted, misdirected protection that can easily destroy the heart of a woman.
If anger is directed toward your wife in a move of self protection you have forgotten that your validation as a man comes from two places, other men and God himself.
Your strength is never to be used toward your wife in self protection.
How is a man to use his strength?
First we understand that the power of anger is to protect those we love.
Secondly, 1 Peter 3:7 says “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel….”
A couple of observations. Women, being a “weaker” vessel speaks primarily toward her physicality. Which means that a woman is not to be treated as “one of the guys.” She is created differently, in both body and spirit.This has nothing to do with the equality of men and women.
2nd, understanding your wife is most important within your role of protector. In Isaiah 42:3 Jesus is described in a most tender way….”A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.” Jesus never capitalized on a person’s weakness, instead he protected it. “Come to me all you who are weak and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”
God has always used his power to empower.
Embracing the strength of your masculinity is to encourage the fullness of your wife’s femininity.
The strength of your masculinity may never be seen in physical protection, but that simply means that creativity is needed to create an environment for your wife to feel safe and secure. Even after 35 years my wife’s heart is ignited toward me when I regularly mow the yard. She feels cared for when I keep the gas tank full. She feels secure when I pay the bills. She feels desirable when my passion is connected to her alone. And, when the kids were at home, she felt valued knowing that more than anything my preference was to be home with her and our kids.
My favorite way of illustrating the strength of a man for his wife’s protection is in meekness, and the best picture of this is the power of a horse controlled only by the small bit in it’s mouth. Meekness – power under control.
When you understand your role as a husband from a biblical point of view, protection will reveal itself sacrificially.
More specifically, a man can become a husband of protection by considering the following: (taken from ‘Got Questions’):
- Does your schedule indicate that your family is a top priority in time, energy, and focus?
- Are you heeding the counsel of 1 Peter 3:7 and really studying your wife?
- Are you taking the initiative to lead your wife spiritually by sharing the things God is teaching you?
- Are you sensitive to your wife’s physical state and sexual needs? They will be different from yours, and a godly husband respects that without pouting or trying to “punish” her.
- Are you accepting equal responsibility for the children? Even if your wife is better at some aspects of parenting, your children are your responsibility. Your wife needs a partner who willingly shares the load with her.
- Examine your tone of voice. Have you fallen into a habit of harshness, blame, or subtle disapproval?
- Do you ever resort to physical or verbal abuse in any form? If you need anger management help, get it.
- In areas where your wife is weak, are you helping her to grow rather than criticizing or shutting down?
- Are you a good listener? Wives need to share their hearts, and you must be the safest place for her to do that.
- Are you the guardian of her heart, dreams, and self-worth? You cannot be God to her, but you can encourage her to connect with God in such a way that her deepest emotional needs are met in Him.